|I saw this on the internet today. I truly love it.|
I find this current journey in life interesting. I am not sure what it is about it that is so different. Why I am in such a different place at this current moment. I often feel overwhelmed and just in this deep thirst for closeness to our Heavenly Father.
I look forward to my morning bible study every morning, so much so that I might just sit and ponder over something in the bible at night while my daughter does homework and I am there just for moral support. Just last night I read through Ecclesiastes. Still felt a little "off/empty" started into Psalms.
I can't quite put my finger on it. I am not sure if it is just the constant stress that surrounds us, the kids being in their junior year and nearly done with school and the stress of their schedules and homework, along with my son's in college.. the list could truly go on. I just need something. I don't know what. I keep praying for direction.
I miss bible study at church. I never really had a connection of fellowship at church but I miss those small little tid bits that made a difference in my week. I miss getting out of the house and away from things for just a bit. Tuesday nights are rough though, homework is always intense these days and its hard to get away.
As soon as I looked into a bible study at another church for Wednesday mornings, our financial problems hit with vehicles. Full on hit, they haven't stopped. Now I have a ride either from a friend who will do child care or the young girl staying with us but it feels like its asking a lot. I was longing to do the bible study. I thought maybe this is it. I have been praying so much, I feel I could pray for hours sometimes. I don't really have anyone to relate to in my current situation. I don't have a friend that has time to listen, spend time in the word with, great a bond. Does this even happen in the generation we live anymore?
I desire this small community, you know like the Amish books where you have this group of women that quilt and can and support one another. I want to truly dig into my prayer life, into the word of the lord, feel close to him.
I used to share that with my mom. We did bible study together every day and would share with one another what we had read and what we would learn, how we could pray for one another. I had moments like this with my husbands mom as well. I cherish those past moments.
Life sure does pass us by so quickly. There was a time that I could not wait for PTO and busy schedules to be over, it took so much time, yet I had people I went to lunch with, laughed with and volunteered with. Now most days are alone, kids are busy, life is empty but busy and I struggle to feel closer to God while life feels so unbelievably alone.