Friday, August 26, 2011

What I am Learning Friday

What I am Learning Friday
This week I realized how well I really am doing with this Bipolar Depression. I am super super excited.
It is a huge answer to prayer!
I can remember a few months after Mekenzei was born not being able to do much at all.
I could not go grocery shopping at all. My heart would pound, I would virtually cry the whole way through.
I could not go to the doctor office without having fears of catching just about anything. It was hard to touch doors with germs etc.
I had a hard time being around people.
I had a hard time being alone.
It was just a rough time.
It got really bad for a while, I went into a hospital for a week when Mekenzei was just 10 months old.
I really thought I wanted to end life. I thought I was a horrible mother and wife and daughter.
I had all these negative ideas, negative thoughts and I was living in fear and so so tired.
During that time I realized there was one difference.
I had God- some of these other men and women I met there – well they just didn’t. Granted it was because they chose not to- because we all know He is there, you just have to ask.
I also realized I loved my children and my family, they were not a burden I was just so tired, I needed help.
For a couple of years we did many and I mean many drug cocktails and doctors, and blood-work.
I would be told I could not raise these three kids God gave me, I begged to differ.
I would be told I would not function in a normal situation ever again.
I would be told that I would never hold down a job.
You know God didn’t like that either!
First job was Sonic- just a few hours.
Then eventually it turned into a Hotel Job for nearly a year, I worked up into management.
Got a job after that as a Credit Analyst. That job was a blast. I was really good at it. Did that for about a year.
Then I rested for a while.
I took care of my Mother in law, rested a while.
Worked Fast food again- at Chick-Fil-A, again working into management.
I later found another lady to care for. I loved this job with all my heart. I would have to leave this job for family and it broke my heart too. I still think about her from time to time.
Since then I have opened my own quilting business- that took a lot of faith and it still takes a great deal and much prayer.
I have worked my way in volunteering a TON at the schools, held some board positions.
Last year I started subbing, while still volunteering and still running a quilting business and guess what those that know me would negate that doctor’s thoughts years ago.
I raise my children just fine- I do have help from family and friends when I need it.
I may not have a steady job but I sure stay busy in as much as I can.
I realized this week, while looking back on all this, how far I have come. How that one day I was so low, so empty, so ready to just leave this earth.
Today I can tell you I am so ALIVE, so excited to be helpful to others, excited about the way my children live their lives, how amazing they are.
How I am truly making a difference- like the Lord intended.
So I am hear to say, don’t sweat the small stuff.
Reach out for help.
Realize its okay to say no.
And most importantly do what you want (within reason) you only live once.
If you want to be president of some organization or room mom, or have your own business writing, making soap etc- then do it.
You never know how the Lord will take your many talents
And turn them into something someone else will treasure.
Have a great weekend!

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Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24