Today I went to the doctor. Once I was done and had gotten the bad news and good news all I wanted in the world was to talk to my mom. It was so hard to not have that. I did talk to my dad on the phone but even though I love him and we are close, its not quite the same. It is funny though because he did express the same concern she would. One that I waited to long to go in, Two that I needed to take all my antibiotics and do as the dr said, Three that he would pray for me.
On the way home I thought about her a lot. How hard life was in those last few years for her, how much I don't want to have to live that way and that I really really need to take better care of myself. I already have some beginning signs like low blood pressure. It can be good but well it can be bad too if it continues to get low. It also isn't great that my body does not fight infection well.
The Lord sure knew my inner cry. As I approached my house I drove past our mail box to put two bills in. A Butterfly landed and touched my hand ever so softly as I reached for the little lever. Just one of those awesome moments. As I walked to the front door I saw one more, it was much smaller. It brought a quick tear to my eye as I remember so many times spotting butterflies, dragonflies, and hummingbirds with my mom as a kid and a grown up. Even rainbows in the sky. One time we saw a double rainbow as we were driving up the mountain pass from her dr appointment in CA. I remember the beauty of it and just her being so captivated by the Father's promise that comes with the rainbow.
I am so blessed to have had such wonderful moments with her, to be able to have a moment like today that takes me back to amazing memories of a strong woman of faith. I do admit selfishly I thought of that bigger butterfly being my mom and the smaller one being my son. Knowing they are together in heaven is a thought beyond words.
Today also made me realize I am ready for something special. I wanted to make a butterfly quilt to remember my mom by. I remember how hard it was for me to put her burial quilt with her in the casket. It was rough to let go of it, but I knew I wanted a part of me, and my family with her on this earth, even though she had already departed it. I found this wonderful template today online for a butterfly. I am still trying to figure out if I can applique some other things with it. Applique is very new to me still. Its hard to think like some do that she is smiling down from heaven, but today I felt touched by heaven for sure.