Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Raising Children in the Lord

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalms 127:3-5 ESV)
I have to remind myself that the Lord blesses us with children, to raise them in Christ, teach him His Word and guide them so that they can fulfill His Purpose. I say I have to remind myself because this week and the last two before it have been a real trial for me with one of my children, Zekaryah.  He is an incredibly loving, caring, sweet boy but wow is he forever stubborn!
See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.
(Matthew 18:10 ESV) 
 I love this verse, I can't imagine despising my children, I can imagine though despising their actions, right now that is exactly where I am at. We are having many trials with homework/classwork and the school system. They released Zekaryah from the Educational Program that gave him more help because he was doing so well. That has had its blessings- one that he has taken two AP courses this year- one of which he has an A in. You don't see me jumping for JOY! But I am. The downfall is that the other AP course- Math, he does fairly well in, but right now he is struggling to keep his head above the water. 
I do not accept lying in my house
I do not accept Laziness in my house
I do not accept hiding of things and dishonesty either.
These are virtues that I feel are very important so that a child can have great moral character and be a Christian adult following the Lord's Plan.
The bible tells us
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)
Needless to say we have had some huge issues-missing homework, zeros on classwork, lies, excuses, laziness. I have taken away game units, television, friends.. there is not anything left but school work, eating and bedtime- oh and attending school. I felt we were on the right track until last week when I saw zeros in THREE classes. UNACCEPTABLE.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
(Proverbs 22:15 ESV)
I have been working closely with one teacher, the other two I contacted- which I have done a couple times this year, one was willing to work with me, the other was not. So we do what we can. We put in hours at home over the weekend- I took Mekenzei to a movie- he did not get to join us- this was an extra/reward, in this house we do not reward when we do not make the right choices at school/home. I had his Math teacher issue detention- at her suggestion. He will serve his first session this afternoon. I had let him use a Homework pass last Tue in math because we had a choir performance and it was late, he will do that work in detention and then sit and read. He will not get a grade for that homework- it was to prove a point.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
(Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV)
I find that he is pushing back as hard as I am pushing forward. It is physically tiring and mentally exhausting, however I refuse to give in or give up. I am in this for the long haul and will not be a parent that accepts less than his best 98% of the time. I do leave room for mistakes, I make plenty of my own. I sit with him the entire time he does homework- his lack of attention requires this. I do tend to work on dinner while he works right next to me at the kitchen table. Last night we worked for 4-5 hours. I found last night my biggest obstacle is that he has very low self esteem. I see this great smart boy, he sees something so different. I pray that this summer through homeschool, and me choosing to not take the job that would have really helped us, we can change that. I am open to any suggestions you might have.
My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
(Proverbs 6:20 ESV) 
I pray that one day he will realize, all the lectures, talks, grounding etc is not that I do not love him, it is not that I feel he is weak or stupid, it is that I truly care who he becomes. I want him to have the best in life and with that sometimes it requires us to work so much harder than the next person. I understand that he does just that, he works three times as hard as most children. He is doing something with these two AP courses that they said he would never do- he is succeeding. His teacher last year didn't believe he should be placed in these courses because of his learning issues. I believed he could do it and will in the future. I do not feel that because you struggle with reading you should be given a pass on Math and Science. I feel if you have strength in those areas we should nurture them-I would say that both teachers, he has this year agree he is in the class that he should be in.
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
(Proverbs 29:17 ESV)
Last night when I went to bed I was drained. All I wanted to do was cry. Literally and figuratively. I feel so bad about always "talking and fighting" with him. I feel bad about issuing him detention. It was kind of a crazy idea, but I just don't know what else to do. I keep waiting for that little light to come on for him. For there to be a day when we work on the same skills in Math that it all just clicks. So far, it just hasn't. He still cant remember what 6X4 is, he is in 6th grade. Last night I apologized to my husband for dishes once again being in the sink, for the wash not being done. Its so hard to do things at night and I try to quilt during the day- then with the antibiotics this past week+ its been more difficult then usual. I just had to get myself a dose of commandments from the Lord about our children. My children aren't going to remember a pristine home but they will remember all the hours that I helped them get ahead and do well in school. So as I close I give that as my thought of wisdom today. I know several parents personally who do not even know what their child's homework is each night, don't take the time to play a game or watch a movie. When is it that you last took time to be a part of their live and let go of yours to give that to them?
Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
(Hebrews 12:9-11 ESV)


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