Friday, October 23, 2009

Silver Lining

You know today I find myself more discouraged then ever. I think partially because lately I live in a real sense of reality. Being unemployed is more difficult then ever. When the children were little I never really worked and we made it just fine. However, I think bills were a little different too. Its funny I think of all the things we do not pay for like cable orsatellite tv , a house phone, sports for the kids.. I am so so Thankful that is the case. We really don't miss those things anyway. When I processed our bills today I found that after tithing we have $63 to last until our payday of Nov 13th. That is because what is left now and the next check covers our house note. That $63 has to pay for any gas and food and since my husband works 45 min away I am betting gas. Hopefully after I take a list tomorrow of all our food in the entire house I will feel a lot better. I also will be collecting all cash from the kids that they have saved to try and buy a bag of beans and a bag of rice as I feel hungry a lot the last two weeks.
It made me think of the depression. I never thought I would have to ration our food like this. Allowing for 2 pancakes for the kids for dinner etc. Yet I realize how much more fortunate we are then so many others.
I imagine some of my discouragement comes from not hearing a single response on the teachers aide position, nor any quilt sales this week. We are having to make some real decisions, like letting go of one or two of the dogs, which really would cut some cost every month. I have even thought of letting go of my cell phone and Jakobs (which only accounts for $20 a month) but that is food money right now.
I did see another job come up on the district site. It is for a different Elementary School then the kids go to, but I think I could still make it work.
The Lord does provide what we Need so I know that even though we may feel hungry we have enough to sustain us.
Anyway I guess just writing helps break Satan's hold on me emotionally, so therefore that is my silver lining in all this today. That Our Heavenly Father knows our needs, he cares for us and He will provide even when things seem so very impossible, because there is nothing to big for Our Father..

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Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24