Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thankful Thursday

I tend to read a Blog quite frequently called Following 31 today she talked about how we are to talk about motherhood- whether it be us as a mom, our own mothers, or another mother that we know. Now to be honest, I have been keeping up with my Thankful Thursday Postings, but I have not been good about linking back and Rita's is probably the only one I read every week.
I love her blog because I try so hard to be that Proverbs 31 woman. My mother in law and I once had a deep conversation about the bible passage because I was utterly depressed over my perception on my failed job at being a good wife and mother. I could not seem to stay organized, keep a clean house, always have dinner on the table and STOP CRYING. I felt that I was not having enough Faith.
You know she corrected me in a heartbeat. She reminded me about story time every day, how I held my kids, how I played with them outside. How I mowed the lawn during their naptime once a week so that when my husband was home from his 50+ hour week he could spend more time with his kids and wife then have to be out there mowing the lawn, even miscarried a child due to mowing the lawn. I did not know I was pregnant and honestly my body was not prepared for another child, I had just had Mekenzei a few months earlier in May, it was December, and her and Zekaryah were only 15 months apart.
It made me realize how I missed the mark on what it meant to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Yes it is nice to have a clean house but it is much better to have spent the day having a picnic on the floor in the living room, reading a story to my attention driven child or managing a chore for my husband so that he had one less thing to do and could spend more time with us instead.
I look back to 15+ years ago. I had just started college, had no desire to have children of my own, wanted a career in teaching and music and honestly didn't really care much about marriage either.
Funny how the Lord can place someone in your life to have you follow HIS PLAN, and not yours isn't it?
I have three living children who are each beautiful and challenging in their own ways. I have a daughter which when I started having kids I only wanted boys, and four of them once we had Zekaryah, before that I was very content just having Jakob, he was our perfect child. Slept through the night, rarely fussy, loved to be sung to, read to just everything you could want. For the most part it has remained the same. I think the Lord knew we needed more COLOR in our lives because we got Mekenzei and Zekaryah who sing their own tune and I love them both for it all the time, even if it can be frustrating.
I never did finish my teaching degree. I was five classes from my B.A., after much stress to my marriage over constantly trying to go back to school. I asked the Lord to remove the desire from my heart. You know HE DID. I do still love to teach but it doesn't follow me around in the area of REGRET anymore. That was a burden I wanted to lay down at Christs Feet and LEAVE THERE.
I have tried to work off and on and always find myself utterly depressed so currently I work a few hours a week and then quilt trying to make extra money from items I make. I find this very rewarding. And truth be told some teaching has come from it. I have taught a friend how to quilt, just a few minor things, and have had someone request that this summer I teach her and her mother how to quilt. I can't do fancy quilting, but I am honored that they think my work is good enough to learn from.
So while I may not have a clean house- EVER, I would say that my kids are emotionally and spiritually fed and that I meet my husbands needs the best that I can, so while I may not get every area of Proverbs 31 with a Gold Star I still strive to be that 31 Godly Woman.
See Ritas Following 31 today, it is very inspirational.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness. I came here to wish you Happy Thankful Thursday and I see this post! It humbles me to see my name. I read your blog quite often too.

    You're a great mother and, though you might get discouraged at times, you will never really regret the direction your life has gone.


Pleasant words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24