Wow what a Thursday. First let me start off by asking prayers from all of you who read my blog for a family in our community. Their son lost his battle today. They made the tough decision to bless others by donating his organs, now others will live as he becomes an angel in heaven way to soon. Please pray for the family, the students of the school and the staff that have all been affected by this loss. I pray that Sunshine of Autumn Quilts and my family may find a way to provide some healing to them if this is what the Lord's plan is.
With this incredible loss in mind I think of my own children. I think back to before I got married and how they said I wouldn't have any due to a severe injury in college. I think back to my soon to be husband and the plans we had for opening up a Ranch to help children with differing disabilities. I had no idea the Lord had a different future in mind. I am so thankful we took this journey in faith together.
Soon after we were married I would find out that I was pregnant. I had gotten sick on the drive to Texas from CA and they gave me some steroid shots to help out as well as some other stuff, well guess what that got my ovaries in full gear and a couple months later we were pregnant with Jakob. I didn't know until we were 10 weeks along. I remember being very scared about the whole situation. I didn't have family here, we didn't have a job, we were living with Paul's mom. I took great comfort in her holding her hands over my stomach and praying for 30+ minutes. I could just feel a sensation over me that I had never in my life felt. He turned out to be extremely healthy.
I can honestly say growing up I really didn't think of children. I thought of working- being a counselor or a teacher, working with children but not having my own. I honestly did not feel I was cut out to be a mother. Kind of a funny statement if you have been around my children. For the most part I have done a great job with the guidance of our heavenly father and a very supportive husband 90% of the time.
I think back to the beginning times with the kids though. Jakob was easy. He slept right away, he loved to play, he ate frequently. It was just the two of us most of the time. Zekaryah's pregnancy was a pretty easy one. Jakob was over a year, I was ready for another one if the Lord was willing. His last few months though from 6 on were very difficult. I was constantly sick. I didn't feel him move very often. I was terrified. I had no idea we would have to part with a child that the doctor did not feel I was carrying. As Zekaryah gets closer to turning 14 I just feel so blessed that the Lord left me him and did not take them both. I have a healthy boy who fights every day to be a great child. He is a hard worker and determined. He can be lazy, especially if he is overwhelmed but I know he has a heart of gold. I can't imagine my life without him even though we have endured many trials together. Such as 7 months of colic, a reading disability that has led to more nights and days of crying over homework then any mother should have to endure. He is my adventurous child, always into something, creating problems really because of his intense curiosity in the outdoors and with science. Still through all the things I could list, I could list 100 more positive ones to counteract them.
As for Mekenzei the pregnancy with her was utter shock. I was still breast feeding Zekaryah so I had no idea I was pregnant until I was mowing the lawn and I started to miscarry her. I am so thankful to that Dr we saw, he truly is a blessing from the Lord because it saved her life. We have had some medical scares with her. When she was first born I remember holding her and the nurse coming in and telling me she needed a transfusion. She had the same blood issue the twin with Zekaryah had. I remember just sobbing. How could we loose another child. I remember telling the Lord, Look I have held this one. I had never wanted a girl. We didn't find out with her what we were having and my heart just melted away when we saw that she was indeed not a boy. Immediately I had her on every prayer chain I could. My parents were not there yet and my mom personally called TBN for a prayer request. In a few hours they said her blood was free, they thought maybe they had made a mistake, it wasn't a mistake it was the Lord. I am thankful she was an easy baby because I hit a depression like no other after having her.
She was born in May and I miscarried in December, at this point even though I wanted one more child I knew God was telling me it was enough. That they each had a purpose in my life. Today I am so incredibly thankful for each one. Sometimes the fighting can be overwhelming or the nagging to get them to do what I ask, or the fact that they don't clean up like they should and I do instead, it does upset me yet I would take a million more days of all those bad things to have them here with me. They mean everything in the world to my family. They each have their piece of the pie that makes us complete. I am so honored the Lord placed them in our trusting care until he has another purpose for them.