So I missed my Thankful Thursday Post. I will have to go back and write that this evening. We have much to be thankful for this week.
I will say I am not all that thankful that I am up at 3 am full of anxiety over today's mission. I love love love volunteering at this clothing center. I am good at going through bags of donations, separating them, getting them into containers by like item. I then process the containers once I am done by tagging them with a color of card stock for that month via a stapler. I place them on a hanger and they go on the "to get put out" racks in the sorting room. I didn't get a before picture yesterday but I worked so many hours between Wed and Thur I was able to tackle every box, bag etc in the sorting room.
I struggle between systems. I like containers. I like to have things in order. I put things against one wall systematically and then like to work off the tables. I have learned a clean working space promotes progress and organization. I have also learned that if you have people volunteer with you sporadically it is best to have an organized area instead of chaos in hopes that they will return. The worst thing is for people to constantly feel overwhelmed. I have a talent at this, and I love being able to use it. This is the area I work every time I volunteer. I look forward to it, like some look forward to going to school when they are young. It is strictly volunteer and I am okay with that.
I love the lady that runs the center. She works full time, cares for her aging mother, cares for many around her including a daughter that has health issues. She gives of her time several nights a week working at this center and then also every Saturday. She is a blessing to the ministry. Its hard to believe she is nearly the age of my grandmothers. She has a system that works for her and it differs from mine. I have been trying to just continue to help her as I can, in the ways that I can.
The frustrating part is that we don't have any regular help. What we need is for the Lord to send in a person that loves and is good at hanging clothes correctly in the main buildings. For me that is a very overwhelming task. Just entering the rooms is overwhelming. It gets my bipolar going through the roof. It seems like it should be easy for me, it just raises my anxiety sitting here thinking about it.
To others it may seem lazy. I tried expressing my obstacle but it was not heard. Now I sit this morning knowing I have to face this task alone, not totally, I will have the Lord, but with no physical help here on earth and I am anxious. I could not sleep, I just want to get it over with and go back to what I am good at.
Its interesting since a group I am in has been focusing on Romans 7:15-24
This is the portion that sticks out in my mind. "So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me."
I do realize what I do is for the greater good of the Lord. I want to do his work and serve. I know I can fight through this anxiety. I just pray that it does not become overwhelming. I pray too that he sends us a helper once a week that has a talent where I lacking. Today I don't look forward to volunteering. That is a disappointing thought.