What Am I Learning Friday

Wow this week just seems to have dragged on and flew by all in the same moment. I have been so out of it. Been out of it with my Blog, just not even wanting to write, that is unusual for me. I have been drained- so tired not just physically but emotionally and spiritually too. I missed church being out of town his past weekend and boy can I tell. I love music worship time, it just energizes my soul. I have had so much to do- dishes, wash, normal kids stuff like homework. Even babysat my friends child for her on Thursday- that was an all day event and worked Mon and Wed mornings caring for Anne. I just did not find the strength to write. I wanted to just stay in bed and hibernate. I have tried praying and searching for this hole in my being to just be filled back up.

I am not quite sure what is bothering me, I think I have learned this week that I just need to be able to allow myself to grief. How funny does that sound? You would think being an adult I would realize that. What I realized was I am fighting it. I want to think I should be able to get back into the swing of things. I flew back into Texas on Sunday. Completely drained from all the events of my trip. Got to bed late that Sunday night, got up on time Monday to go to work and was so exhausted I came home and took a nap. I even slept in late, nearly until noon Tue, went to work Wed and came home and wanted to do nothing again. Then watched a little toddler all Thur and was down again today. Just amazing! I have gotten little things done so I don't want to say I am depressed just not my normal self just yet.

Partially stress over all the unsettled work- wash that is done and not put away, dishes that even though I clean seem to reappear to be washed again so quickly and kids that are learning division in school and are completely lost. Of course they started last week and I was not here so I missed their important week and now we are onto harder aspects. I learned that things take time. It reminded me of a very important scripture, also a book I have, that maybe I should re-read.

As for the bible part- you probably could guess what I will share since I mentioned the word Time, and it is one of the most famous chapters in the bible, songs even written after it, books written about it, sermons, debates, lectures in college...

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil?

10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.

14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.
16 And I saw something else under the sun: In the place of judgment—wickedness was there, in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
17 I thought in my heart, "God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed."
18 I also thought, "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.

19 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath ; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless.

20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.

21 Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?"
22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

So I thought that maybe it is my time to grief this week, maybe I shouldn't fret and be too hard on myself that I have four quilt orders that are not done, yet the deadline approaches. Maybe just maybe the heart is just as important as our physical self. I have a secret pal who just suggested that I do something for me, maybe a small project etc and maybe that will help me feel a little better, while I had the same thought, it seemed like Godly wisdom coming from this secret person I do not know yet. So as this weekend approaches I want to take Time to spend with my family. My son turned 11 this today and we are celebrating him all weekend. We have some odd traditions in my family, but I figure we will cook, play games and celebrate life and each other, letting my grief lay aside and turning the time for something new. All I know is it is wonderful that we all still have more Time. For that I give much Praise and Thanksgiving to God!

My Grandpa Kale

I tried to upload photos tonight, but I only have them in PDF format and Blogger doesn't accept that so....here is all I can do- write Life can be unexpected even when we know a possibility exists. I was at the school tonight for Movie Night, preparing everything for the guests to arrive when my cell phone rings. I immediately said, "those kids better not already be fighting." That was my thought. Then I looked at the phone it had my dad in Utah's name on it, my stomach dropped. You know when you know you need to take a call but you feel like if you don't then you can avoid what will happen. Well that is how I felt. He said hello then started pretty quick in that Grandpa Kale was slipping away, he was resting quietly and that he could put me on speakerphone if I would like to say anything before he died. I was not given the opportunity with two other grandfathers that have passed in the last couple of years, but even with the opportunity in hand all I could say was that I knew he knew he loved me, and I loved him. I could not do it. Maybe I knew I didn't have to. Oddly enough I have not seen him since my other grandfather in Utah passed away in 2007. We had just moved into this house- had not finished yet when I got that call. Then last year I lost my grandfather in California, a huge shock as he was fine, went for a walk and fell and then my family got the call, who then called me. At first we talked about flight arrangements. I knew we didn't have the money for it. My dad immediately assured me if I wanted to go that he would take care of it. I declined because I felt guilty for having him pay for that. After thinking a couple of hours I decided that I really did want to be there, and that is what family is for, to help in time of need. I also thought of what he was going through to, and how I would like to be there for him and his loss. What made me think even more is the only time I see family lately is at funerals. How is it that life comes to that. It made me appreciate that I still have my kids at home, I still get to love on them and spend time with them. I thought I would feel great loss, yet I feel great comfort. It makes me so thankful to know that I just started my new Blog this week. I think of all the verses I have read, the verses I have Blogged about, I had no idea God was preparing me for today all week long. The tears do come, the pain is there, it is natural and I know that. Yet I could not help but think of scripture after scripture in my mind. How wonderful to have that. To know that Kale is with God, that he is no longer in pain. He was so ready to go last time I saw him. He felt he had lived a good life. He felt that he had the best woman on earth that he fell in love with and got to spend his whole life with. He was thankful to have such good kids, grand kids and great grand kids. He felt that his life could not be any better. He had no regrets. I would say that the only thing left was to see our Heavenly Father and start his life there. He of course did not want to leave his beloved June, the woman that is everything in his world. Their love just astounds me. I have never ever seen love like theirs, never. They are like dove, there is no doubt in my mind. I would have loved to have seen them just both go in their sleep together, so that they did not have to spend any time apart. IF that makes any sense at all. Anyway I wanted to pay tribute to my grandfather tonight, wanted to share my story and hope that you remember to tell the person you love that you love them, how much they mean to you, all that jazz. You never know what tomorrow brings. Also that you should live life to your fullest, so that you like my Grandpa Kale, have no regrets. This is my Favorite Verse of all verses- one not often told Romans 14:8 If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Romans 6:23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Jude 1:21Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. My husbands favorite verse
Psalm 23:4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live" (John 11:25).
Psalm 23:1 A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die,. . .
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Philippians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.